Monday, 26 January 2015

Drama Llama Ding Dong

Friday’s little drama of me having run out of antidepressants and then bleating on about it on Facebook made me think I was pretty much just a show off.  We all know if someone posts a ‘woe is me’ Facebook post, it more often than not elicits responses from your lovely chums that are jokingly referred to as ‘u ok hun?’ replies.  The genuine feelings of care, compassion and worry are there but on the other hand, the original poster could be fishing for these responses and so will post further drama about their lives.  This was genuinely not what I had in mind, and in fact, it was sheer desperation and frustration that I posted my status.  What overwhelmed me was not only the amount of people who responded with love and care (you’re all marvellous), but the amount of my lovely FB chums that have or have had experiences of antidepressants/mental health issues.

It now no longer seems taboo to discuss if you’re feeling a bit shitty but you can’t explain why, or that you want to die so as not to be a burden to others (both experiences I’ve had in the past).  Depression and anxiety seems to be much more accepted nowadays.  There’s a storyline in Coronation Street at the moment where Steve McDonald has been suffering with depression and not told anyone about it.  Discussing it with a close friend who also suffers on and off with depression, he said that the way it is being handled is pretty much spot on.  I’ve seen a lot of tweets supporting the storyline and how depression is being portrayed, some from folk who suffer it but some from charities such as MIND. 

A lot of people simply can’t cope at the prospect of having to get up and go out to work, or just leave the house in general.  When I suffered my last severe bout of depression, it was traumatic moving from the sofa – nothing could hurt me there… I could sit under a duvet, with a cat (usually Lilith) on my lap, sobbing, drinking tea and watching trash TV.  That was my safe place, and it still is to some extent.

To think that so many of my friends have been through something very similar is really quite upsetting, when I think about it… I mean, it’s great that you’re all powering through with or without medication but for you to have been so low down that you didn’t know where to turn to next genuinely pains me. 

I accept my depression is part of who I am; there’s no use trying to think otherwise.  I can’t bottle it up anymore, that way madness, pain and possibly suicide lies.

Basically, thank you everyone.  Thank you for accepting me as I am, with my black moods and my good days.  Thank you all for the support you offered me from Friday last week and over the weekend, the phone calls, the texts, the FB messages.  It’s nice to know I mean a lot to so many; and you all mean a lot to me.